Falling in love? That part was easy. From the first time you locked eyes with your partner, you probably felt like it was meant to be. Even if your story has had a few ups and downs along the way, imagining your life without them now? Not a chance.
You might not question the love you share, your ability to communicate, or the connection between you two. But here’s the reality about long-term relationships: you have to be willing to put in the work to keep it strong. It’s easy to drift into routine, but true commitment means rolling up your sleeves and giving your relationship the attention it deserves.
To make it last, you can’t just “set it and forget it.” Here’s some advice straight from relationship experts on keeping your love thriving, and I’ll toss in some insights I’ve picked up along the way.
The Benefits of a Long-Term Relationship
If you spent most of your 20s single, you probably know how different it feels when you find that one person who makes you want to focus on a future together. I’ll admit, it’s a game-changer. Spending time with them becomes more fulfilling than any fling or casual date.
Dr. Sarah Schewitz, a couples therapist, explains that research shows men actually tend to benefit more from long-term relationships. When things end—whether through divorce or a breakup—men typically get more depressed than women and often remarry sooner. “Men in long-term relationships experience better physical health, more happiness, more emotional support, and greater sexual satisfaction than those not in relationships,” Schewitz says.
And from my experience, being in a stable relationship inspires you to take bigger leaps outside of romance. It gives you a boost of confidence and encourages you to be more selfless. Psychologist Dr. Yvonne Thomas, based in L.A., says that long-term relationships offer tons of benefits: more happiness, a sense of stability, and feeling truly known and understood by someone.
To top it off, you’ll likely live longer if you’re in a healthy relationship. Science aside, there’s just something rewarding about knowing you have a partner who has your back no matter what.
Why Long-Term Relationships Need Maintenance
Think about your best friend—the one you can call at any hour, whether you need a laugh or a sounding board for a tough decision. Even with all the good times you’ve shared, they’re also the person who can annoy you in record time. But because you know each other so well, you’re quick to forgive and move on.
In a relationship, it’s not always so simple. Dr. Schewitz says it’s a common myth that a good relationship “shouldn’t require work.” Truth is, if you’re not actively nurturing your connection, you risk losing it. “Relationships go through many phases, and the longer you’re together, the more changes you’ll face together,” Schewitz adds.
Dr. Thomas points out that when one or both partners stop putting in the effort, things can get stale. Relationships are like living things—they need care and attention to not just survive but thrive. Otherwise, it’s easy to start taking each other for granted, stop communicating, or let physical intimacy slip into a routine.
When issues go unresolved, it can lead to emotional walls, grudges, and resentment. And those are tough hurdles to overcome.
How to Invest in Your Relationship
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re wondering if you’re putting in enough effort to keep things on track. Good news: there are ways to strengthen your relationship, and they don’t have to be complicated. Here’s some expert-backed advice to keep the love alive:
Never Stop Pursuing Each Other
Whether you’ve been together a year, five, or ten, it’s important to keep making an effort to woo your partner. Dr. Schewitz says people often associate those “butterflies” with how happy they are, so it’s important to keep the romance going.
When I started sending my partner spontaneous “thinking of you” texts, it really made a difference. And I’m talking about the small stuff—a “Good morning” message, grabbing their favorite coffee on your way home, or surprising them with tickets to a concert they’d love. A little thoughtfulness goes a long way.
Put Their Needs First
If you’re in a relationship with a woman, chances are she handles a lot of the small but important details, like reminding you about family birthdays or keeping the house stocked with essentials. Over time, it’s easy to start taking this for granted. But one way to show you care is by putting her needs at the top of your list.
Schewitz says, “If both partners put each other’s needs and happiness first, you’ll both feel like a priority.” In my experience, when I put in the effort to take things off my partner’s plate—like handling a chore or planning a surprise date—it makes a noticeable difference in how connected we feel.
Listen Before Responding
In any relationship, communication is key. But one of the biggest challenges couples face over time is really listening to each other. How often do we tune out our partner, waiting for our turn to speak? Schewitz suggests trying to put yourself in your partner’s shoes before responding.
Start by asking questions like, “How does that make you feel?” or “What led you to think that way?” When you take time to understand their perspective, it builds empathy and keeps things from spiraling into unnecessary arguments. I’ve found that when I really listen first, our disagreements get resolved faster and with less tension.
Make Time Together a Priority
With busy schedules, it’s easy to let quality time slip away. But setting aside time together is essential for keeping a relationship strong. Schewitz recommends a dedicated date night at least every two weeks, if not weekly.
This doesn’t have to mean fancy dinners or big outings. Some of my favorite moments are just sitting on the patio with a drink, talking and laughing. Or you can try something new together—take a class, go for a hike, or steal away for a night at a nearby hotel. The key is making it uninterrupted, focused time together.
Talk for at Least 30 Minutes Every Day
Dr. Thomas suggests 30 minutes of one-on-one conversation daily—face-to-face if possible. If not, a phone call works too. The goal is to connect beyond the usual text or social media check-ins, really tuning into each other’s day and feelings.
Make this a time for real talk, not just logistics or to-dos. You’d be surprised how much this simple practice can deepen your connection. I try to make this a routine, even if it’s while we’re cooking dinner or on a quick evening walk.
Dr. Thomas advises, “Avoid distractions like your phone or TV. Instead, focus on them, ask questions, and share your thoughts. This kind of undivided attention shows your partner they’re a priority.” It’s one of the simplest, yet most powerful, ways to build a healthy relationship.
With these simple practices—keeping things romantic, listening actively, and making time for each other—you’ll set yourselves up for a long, fulfilling relationship. And when you make that effort, you’ll find that the work isn’t a chore; it’s an investment in a future you’ll both be glad to share.
